The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
