ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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