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We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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