Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
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I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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