Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
