Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
