can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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