fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
