i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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