I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
