I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
