dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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