I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I need water and some morals
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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