At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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