I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wanna go halves on a baby?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
