eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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