i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
