Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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