The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
