Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize