white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
