it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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