He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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