Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
barbara walters just said penis...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
