just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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