remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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