Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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