im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
