Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
