apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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