Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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