What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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