Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
