Moan for me like Helen Keller
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
