His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
