similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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