i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
