my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
