i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
