I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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