I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
