Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
