I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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