he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
