he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
