how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
