I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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