Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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