Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
