The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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