i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
