3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
