Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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