Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
