oh god the rape fog is back!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
