is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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