a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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