Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
soo... how was my night?
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