whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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