i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
