the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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