saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
