Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
