Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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