My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
