hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
