i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
