I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
