if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
