Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
