I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This is my gift to your gina
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
