is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
