laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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