And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
BRING THE BAGELS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
