Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize