i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We are two peas in an std pod
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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