and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize