She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
